Saturday, June 26

gripe*

*originally from LJ

how is it that bunching up a cord (headphones, necklace, etc) somehow results in 5+ knots? This phenomenon really annoys and fascinates me. Sometimes, I want to experiment with this: bunch it up slowly and watch the knotting in action, but it's probably one of those things that cannot be observed with the human eye.

Thursday, June 24

CO to SI *

*originally from LJ

The 1.5 weeks in Loveland were the most relaxing days so far this year. There was lots of sleeping, eating, vegging, mindless entertainment, and of course, Daniel Radcliffe. Unfortunately, around day 4 I got a serious sunburn on my shoulders which still hasn’t healed (1 week later). I put sunblock on my face, but I figured since I’d be in the pool the entire time, I didn’t really need to put sunblock anywhere else… but 1 hour later, I was fried. It went through several stages of blistering and peeling. This was probably the worst sunburn I’ve ever had in my life. Oh well… live and learn.

I saw Cats at a dinner theater with Alex’s mom. That was interesting… both the show and the dinner theater aspect of it. It was definitely a “local production,” but it was fun to have the actors also be waiters.

This morning was my brother’s high school graduation. It’s really weird sitting in the stands at someone else’s graduation. All the parents are so impatient (mine included), always muttering “c’mon” and “get on with it” during the speeches and award presentations. My brother became bratty after the ceremony, refusing to take pictures, or smile, or look at the camera. Then we went to King Buffet (Chinese buffet on SI) and I ate way too much, which didn’t stop me from being hungry at dinner time. I need to exercise more if I want to continue eating the way I do.

A lot of people I know now have gmail accounts :( I’m not cool.

Friday, June 11

*originally from LJ

I was at the NBC 4th of July special a few nights ago! When you peons finally get to the future, tune your tube to NBC at night for the Sheryl Crow clip, maybe you'll see me :)

Earlier this week, Alex popped in from JFK instead of flying back to Boston on his way back from Finland, so a few of us went out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant which only took cash. I hate cash, so of course I had none on me. And Alex only had Euros. So I had to leave the restaurant to find an ATM. I checked my account online yesterday and here's what I see: after my withdrawal, I had exactly $1.01, and then of course I get hit with the "you didn't use our ATM fine" and I'm down to -0.76. Fantastic. Now I'll get charged another $30 for being under. I hate checking accounts too.

I'm jetting off to Loveland for 10 days tonight. I hate packing. There's always a nagging fear that I forgot something important. Although I suppose in the US that doesn't really matter cause you can buy whatever you need anywhere. Except that I have negative funds.

Sunday, June 6

Friends. (not the show)*

*originally from LJ

I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last night at the IMAX near Lincoln Center. I won’t say what I thought of the movie here, because I’ll be seeing it again with Alex in Colorado, and I have to make it a clean slate – as if I’m watching it for the first time.

I was in line at the bathroom in the theater before the movie. I was talking to Katie when I hear “YOU!” behind me. Katie motions for me to turn around, and there, standing in the bathroom, her arms out in front, with the most surprised look on her face, is a girl from my first high school (who I haven’t seen in 7 years). She repeats “YOU!” at least 3 times. So I say “You!” back at her, although I actually remembered her name. Then she says “Are you here now?” (meaning in NYC), so I said “yes” but then another stall opened up so I said “gotta go!” I saw her again as I was walking out of the bathroom. She was walking towards the escalator with a group of friends. I could’ve stopped her, said hi properly, maybe exchanged phone numbers or email addresses, but I didn’t.

For some reason that little encounter got me thinking about something: friendship. What is a friend? What is an acquaintance? When does someone switch between the two titles? Is there such a thing as too many friends and acquaintances?

I guess “friendship” has always been fleeting for me. I grew up with lots of friends on my block, but then my family left the Ukraine, and I never spoke to any of them again. In Brooklyn, I befriended some girls who lived in the same building as I did, but that too, was transient. As all apartment buildings go, they moved on to different apartments in different parts of town, and although I kept up with them a bit longer, they too vanished from my life. I never spent more than 2 years in the same school until Cornell, and every time I switched schools, I moved on from the friends I’d made. I keep in touch with exactly 1 person from my second junior high school, but she’s married with a child now, so I think we’re going our separate ways. There’s also 1 person from my first high school, a few from my second high school, and a few from college. But how long will all that last? What does it take to be a friend rather than an acquaintance? People I was once very close to, used to speak to every day, tell each other everything, are now part of the “So how’s it been going lately? Anything new?” crowd. How often do you have to see someone or talk to someone to consider them a friend? A close friend? A best friend? An acquaintance? A stranger?

Some friendships are not meant to last. How do you recognize that, and how do you end it? Is it better to phase the person out? Retreat until they are merely an acquaintance? Or is it better to be upfront, tell them “it’s been great, but I’m moving on?” I recently did the latter. I ended a friendship with someone who was once very important to me. I still don’t know whether it was the right decision. Maybe I should have tried harder to regain what we once had. Maybe I should’ve just kept him as an acquaintance. But I went all the way. I said good-bye. And I suppose I have to stand by that decision.

I like running in to people I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m curious about what they’re doing with their lives. But maybe that’s just ego. Maybe the only reason I like meeting old friends and hearing how they’ve been is because I know I’ve done pretty well – good college, good graduate school, good relationship. Maybe I’m just waiting for them to ask me how I’ve been so I can wow them with my success. I hope not, but I really don’t know.

A chance run-in is different from an acquaintance. I don’t really like acquaintances. Does someone you talk to once every 6 months really care what you’re up to? “So last I heard you were dating, X, how’s that going?” That can get awkward. A lot can happen in six months. Who really wants to do 6 months of catching up in 6 minutes? It’s unfair to have to condense your life like that to someone who may not really care but is just performing their duty as your acquaintance. But again, what do you do? When they say “so, tell me everything I’ve missed!” do you say “listen, this isn’t really working out for me…” or do you comply just to keep them around?

I don’t know if my lack of effort on the friendship front has something to do with being in a relationship. Alex is my best friend. I talk to him everyday. I tell him everything. Who needs friends when you have a significant other?

I’ve always hated people like that, but a little while ago I realized I was one of them. But what does that mean? Is it so wrong? Maybe that’s just how things go. Eventually, there will be a husband, and kids. Family comes first. Does that mean I’ll be left with a bunch of acquaintances? What happens to all the people who’ve shared (closely) certain periods of my life? I guess they get to take whatever secrets we shared at the time with them. They get to take a little part of me. I suppose the good part is that life goes on, and there’s always more to share and give away. And I’d say almost all the people I’ve been friends with, and am currently friends with, are good, trustworthy people who I know will keep those parts of me to themselves… whether that’s out of respect for me and our friendship, or because my life really isn’t all that interesting.

I’m sure there’s lots more to say on the topic, but I’ve exhausted my vocabulary for the evening. I don’t know how coherent any of that was, but at least it’ll be entertaining. Maybe I’ll look at some more pictures of Dan before bed cause this train of thought is really bumming me out.

Good night New York, I love you.

It's been a long time since I've had a celebrity crush, so I suppose it's a bit overdue... *

*originally from LJ

I love Daniel Radcliffe. I just spent the evening mixing drinks and surfing his fan sites for pictures with a friend. We know it's wrong, but we can't help it. He's on the brink of total hotness. He just needs to get some sun and bulk up a bit. Oh Daniel...